Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
