she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
