I'm gonna have a badass scar
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
