Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
