I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
