I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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