I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We're too hungover to prance.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
