Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
