scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
