Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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