she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
