i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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