the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
