just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
