that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
