Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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