i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
