Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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