xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
