day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
