You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
