is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
