is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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