I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
