The maid of honor just puked.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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