...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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