You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
