Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
