textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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