I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
