why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
