A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
