I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
