i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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