In the future we'll all be gay
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
