just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
