So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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