Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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