they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
