she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
