is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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