I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
