we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
