You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
