She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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