so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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