pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
