that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
