I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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