just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You ruined the universe
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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