K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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