Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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